In order to fight off the depression elicited from visiting a mental hospital:

001. Real name → Amarikah. Duh.
002. Nickname(s)→ Amarikah, Amp, used to get called ‘smart one’ and ‘crafty owl’ when I was in elementary school. By the gods, I hated those nicknames.
003. Zodiac sign → Taurus
004. Male or female → I’m a masculine female. So there.
005. Elementary → Hermosa Vista, Collierville, Edison
006. Middle School → Forestwood
007. High School → Flower Mound, Collierville
008. Hair color → Strawberry blonde that was once red and just continues to get lighter and lighter.
010. Loud or Quiet → Depends. I’m usually absolutely one or the other, though.
011. Sweats or Jeans → Churidar pants. >w>
012. Phone or Camera → Camera.
013. Health freak → Somewhat, probably because I’m going into a health-related field. (medical and psychological anthropology)
016. Eat or Drink → Drink.
017. Piercings —> None.
018. Tattoos → None.

HAVE YOU EVER?
019. Been in an airplane → Yes.
020. Been in a relationship → Yes.
021. Been in a car accident → Yes.
022. Been in a fist fight → Yes. With other people than my family, a few times.

FIRSTS:
023. First piercing → Nope.
024. First best friend → Chris, a boy that I can barely remember from Silver Spring.
025. First award → Oh, heck if I know.
026. First crush → Christopher H., in first grade
027. First pet --> A goldfish that I couldn’t figure out a name for.
028. First big vacation → NYC, before I can remember.

LASTS:
029. Last person you talked to → Jenn Holmes
030. Last person you texted → David Quackenbush
031. Last person you watched a movie with → John Whitton, Natalie Christensen, Michelle Haffner, and a few others (T4)
033. Last movie you watched → T4
034. Last song you listened to → Chemical Plant Zone, remixed by Luke Terry
035. Last thing you bought → Batteries, TP, and a package of cashew cookies.
036. Last person you hugged → Probably Megan Mcgrath. I don’t frequently hug people here.

FAVES:
037. Food → Ahi Tuna salad from Happy Sumo in Provo, and a good platter of maki sushi.
038. Drinks → Water, milk, blue Kool-Aid
039. Clothing → Something utilitarian and simple. The tank top is an amazing invention.
040. Flower → L’Amour Hibiscus, Gardenias,
041. Books → The Stars, My Destination; Ender’s Game; The Lost Years of Merlin; Pearls of Lutra
042. Colors → Silver, gray, purple, orange, teal, mustard
043. Movies → Way too hard of a question. D:
044. Subjects → Is it interesting?

HAVE YOU EVER:
045. [x] kissed someone
046. [x] celebrated Halloween
047. [x] had your heart broken
048. [] went over the minutes on your cell phone
049. [x] questioned someone's sexual orientation
050. [x] came out of the closet
051. [] gotten pregnant
052. [ ] had an abortion
053. [x] done something you've regretted
054. [x] broke a promise
055. [x] kept a secret
056. [x] pretended to be happy
057. [x] met someone who changed your life
058. [x] pretended to be sick
059. [x] left the country
060. [x] tried something you normally wouldn't try and liked it
061. [x] cried over the silliest thing
062. [x] ran a mile (barely!)
063. [ ] went to the beach with your best friend(s)
064. [x] got into an argument with your friends
065. [x] hated someone
066. [x] done something good for someone else

CURRENTLY:
067. Eating → Cashew cookies
068. Drinking → water
069. I'm about to → Practice my veena
070. Listening to → (Here Comes the Boom by Nelly)
071. Plans for today → getting a veena lesson, translating a poem, and writing field notes on Lebenshilfe
072. Waiting for → To not feel as if I don’t deserve to be as intelligent and socially adjusted as I am.

YOUR FUTURE:
073. Want kids? → I get less and less willing as I age, so for now, a few, and I’ll happily adopt.
074. Want to get married? → Yes
075. Occupation → Student, looking into anthropology and film, have a few fiction manuscripts in the works. Things seem to be going so that I’ll become an autism activist no matter what I do. ^_^;;

WHICH IS BETTER WITH OTHER GENDER?
076. Lips or eyes → That’s a hard question. I’d say about equal in some cases, but often, eyes win out.
077. Shorter or taller? → Taller, taller, taller. I’m almost 6’0 and I’m the shortest adult on my dad’s side.
078. Romantic or spontaneous → I get easily scared and intimidated by spontaneous. ono
079. Nice stomach or nice arms → They usually come together…
080. Sensitive or loud → Um, more sensitive than loud, but if I can’t yell at him without him losing it, we’ll have problems…
081. Hook-up or relationship → Relationship, please.
082. Trouble-maker or hesitant → I’d prefer a trouble-maker, I know how to handle them.

HAVE YOU EVER:
083. Lost glasses/contacts → Yes.
084. Ran away from home → A few times.
085. Held a gun/knife for self defense → A knife, yes. A gun, no.
086. Killed somebody → Tried to break a girl’s neck once in self-defense. It’s a long story that involves mental states that I never want to experience again. Kill therapy on games and in writing is helpful for me.
088. Rejected someone's call on purpose --> Very rarely, about 4-5 times all together.
089. Cried when someone died → Over pets more than humans, actually.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
090. Yourself → Not enough, but that’s improving.
091. Miracles → Yes.
092. Love at first sight → Lust at first sight, absolutely. Love at first sight, not likely.
093. Heaven → Something like that, yes.
094. Santa Claus → I did, and I got a letter from him once that was written by my dad’s parents. It was very sweet of them.
095. Sex on the first date → Eh no. I’d like to keep my machinery clean, thanks. ono
096. Kiss on the first date → I have, and I still don’t feel right with the idea.

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
097. Is there one person you want to be with right now? → No, the people I miss constitute a crowd.
098. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life? → No, and I’m working hard to change that.
099. Do you believe in God → In a sense. Those beliefs are currently under construction and evaluation.
100. Post as 100 truths and tag 10 people → (tags self 10 times)

Cedar Fort wants to see my work on the sci-fi manuscript that I've written. If you've been following me for the last four years, you might have read the first chapter of Storm of Stars here. It's been revised repeatedly since, but it's a clip of what (hopefully) is to come. It's a brilliant opportunity, but it means that I have double the work to do than I did over the semester. I have about 220-250 pages to complete, 90 of them done. However, they need polishing and revision.

I also have an IRB report to write, which will be a long, boring paper about how I need to take precautions about things that I really have no control over. The attitudes of the IRB department and the IRB guidelines are utterly set against anthropological techniques and methodologies. I'm not excited about finishing that paper, just so I can feed it to the IRB bureaucracy.

The last is covering myself up until my college graduation. However, that's something I'll talk about later.

In my last post, I had lost Altisonus. It has been found and is within my posession. Altisonus is a 2 GB SD Card, housed within Amula, the SD Card Reader. There is Ardesco, a 2 GB MP3 player adorned with tiny jade leaves that I've had for two years now. Ausculto is a 512 MB flash drive, and Arioso is an old laptop that I've poured money into.

I finished all of my semester work (110 pages! Whew!), and I now have a IRB proposal to slowly work on during the length of the summer. My sister was able to get me a job, and I need to go apply at another round of places tomorrow. More of an update within the next few days.

I name all of my smaller electronics with latin names that begin with an 'A'. I just lost Altisonus, which was an SD card that had all of my work since 12/20/08 on it. I had moved all of my files there so that I could keep them in one spot and then make a back up of them. The BYU netstorage wouldn't let me make a backup there, so I had been planning on getting myself a backup at some point. Then, I lost everything anyway.

Six hours of sleep after 42 awake because of stressing out over work that I wrote and then PROMPTLY LOST.

The missionary is pestering me to write through his mass emails.

I was told yesterday that due to my issues and my life experience, I should have a free ticket to the LDS highest level of heaven. I merely raised an eyebrow and shrugged.

Warning now, lots of unrequited love ranting. If you don't care for it, don't read.

My apologies for the last entry. I just vented a few things that I didn't feel like I can really say to anyone to have them understand what's going on. I'm not talking about the bit about my religion, I'm referring to the part where I ranted again about someone I care about. I miss a person that I'm never going to see again. Sure, I pine. I know I pine and that I pine badly. I also know that I'll take the words of people that I care about and ingrain them to no end. I tried really hard when he left to not care about it, and to just swallow the fact that the person that he was would never exist again. I just hurt myself in the process, and now I'm trying to understand how to do what I need to do--which is just to get over him. I just broke up with his best friend last month over letters.
It shouldn't be a big deal. I haven't seen either of them in over a year, almost two. I'm trying to not make it such.

I'm going home to a family that I hate because my sister promised me a job. I applied to 38 places in this town, and I only got luck with one, which I was fired from without decorum. My sister promised me a job at home, and my parents are now convinced that I'm not going to be able to find another one while I'm there--something that I had continually told them since last August. My family has demanded that I return home and that I not hang out with any of my friends that I have at home, telling me that they're evil and not people that they approve of. It would seem that my family believes that they are my emotional support, and my only needful source of support, and that anyone else is secondary. Anyone else can be cast off as easily as my family moves. My brother has repeatedly had conversations with me about how he's so detached from his friends and how family is everything, and all I can wonder is "Have you ever had a meaningful friendship? Ever?"

My research is cluttered and my grades are going to be shot to sh@t because mentally, I cannot focus. I can't write what I want to write because I'm supposed to be focusing on schoolwork. I can't pursue relationships with women here. I'm living in a community and college where LDS life is law. Yes, I did choose that two years ago, and I'm not happy with it now. I had many choices, and this is the one that I took. I'm going to see it through. Besides, any relationship that I would pursue, man or woman would be to forget the one that I'm never going to have.