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:iconantherkaran:

~AntherKaran

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Burnt Alive by the Passion and Drive of Dreams

Mon Mar 30, 2009, 11:29 AM
  • Mood: Angsty
  • Listening to: The Kill; Here in Your Arms; Cry Me a River; etc.
  • Reading: A prompt for a paper
  • Watching: Myself walk a very fine line
  • Playing: with thoughts of Pennomi
  • Eating: A chicken salad croissant from a vending machine
  • Drinking: Water
I was an idiot. Everything that came out of my mouth was so ill-thought out, so badly handled and worded. There was no logic and no understanding. I was a fool to think that anything could have been. I acted like an idiot. I was so out of character and out of place. I was so infatuated that I wasn't even myself, and I couldn't adjust for it. I was so out of whack that my autism shone through majestically. I could wish my life away for another chance, but it's not coming. He's not interested and he's not coming back. The Pennomi that I knew is never coming back home.
He'll just be another clone among masses that refuse to see from the different perspectives, because God knows that such an idea would take away your brownie points into heaven, because heaven isn't achieved by grace and works, it's always one or the other with EVERYONE that I talk to. There is no happy medium, and no one feels that they are saved. No one can feel happy with themselves or with what they're doing. There's the same lessons over and over and over and over again, and are people emotionally growing? Are they understanding who they are and what they want? For the most part, they define themselves by their religion, and there is no life outside of it. I'm looking over these arguments, and I hate this tower of mollifying, foggy logic used to defend hypocrisy. I can't stay in this world of elitist hypocrisy, but I still treasure my friends that are in the church.
Guh.

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:iconjadedv:
Um... the church doctrine that I know teaches both grace and works...
and that it's important to understand who you are and grow in every way possible towards positive outcomes. Anyone who says otherwise doesn't really understand the teachings that they were supposed to have learned.
That may not really matter at all to your comments... but...
Just saying.
:iconantherkaran:
I've been taught that any beliefs on the growth of the self are nothing but "New Age nonsense", unless it has to do with the growth of maturity to being an adult. Of course, that belief is incorrect.

One can say that the Mormonism that I was taught by my family is not the 'true' Mormonism. I've heard that the things that my parents taught to me are very twisted and misunderstanding of the doctrine. Many families likely go through the same ordeal, I imagine. However, since it was what I was taught, my family's version the real deal to me.

Trying to study it and see it from the point of view of others has only led me to the conclusion that there is a lot of confusion by members on beliefs. The General Authorities are discouraging of members going to them for questions, and the bishops and missionaries that I have asked give inconclusive and contradictory answers.

Lastly, I have repeatedly gone to God, and I receive the answer that Mormonism is not my path. I still have a belief in God. I have only read anthropological arguments on God's existence, and I'm still convinced that a God exists.
:iconjadedv:
Well, all good paths seeking real truth lead to God, as I have had many South Americans tell me.
A lot of them said it rather tritely and somewhat rehearsed... but I do believe it's true.
It's just that some paths are more roundabout than others, and even the same path can work differently for different people, simply because it's taught to them differently and they apply it differently, so some people walk more direct on it than others.
But all the paths which teach real true principles eventually converge into the same truth, as long as the people keep progressing instead of standing still and stagnant on whatever path they're on.
Even the longest most roundabout path, if someone keeps moving on it... is better than a direct path that someone sits still on without progressing.
Follow what's good and true, and don't let things that are false and negative have much place in your life.

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