I name all of my smaller electronics with latin names that begin with an 'A'. I just lost Altisonus, which was an SD card that had all of my work since 12/20/08 on it. I had moved all of my files there so that I could keep them in one spot and then make a back up of them. The BYU netstorage wouldn't let me make a backup there, so I had been planning on getting myself a backup at some point. Then, I lost everything anyway.

Six hours of sleep after 42 awake because of stressing out over work that I wrote and then PROMPTLY LOST.

The missionary is pestering me to write through his mass emails.

I was told yesterday that due to my issues and my life experience, I should have a free ticket to the LDS highest level of heaven. I merely raised an eyebrow and shrugged.

Warning now, lots of unrequited love ranting. If you don't care for it, don't read.

My apologies for the last entry. I just vented a few things that I didn't feel like I can really say to anyone to have them understand what's going on. I'm not talking about the bit about my religion, I'm referring to the part where I ranted again about someone I care about. I miss a person that I'm never going to see again. Sure, I pine. I know I pine and that I pine badly. I also know that I'll take the words of people that I care about and ingrain them to no end. I tried really hard when he left to not care about it, and to just swallow the fact that the person that he was would never exist again. I just hurt myself in the process, and now I'm trying to understand how to do what I need to do--which is just to get over him. I just broke up with his best friend last month over letters.
It shouldn't be a big deal. I haven't seen either of them in over a year, almost two. I'm trying to not make it such.

I'm going home to a family that I hate because my sister promised me a job. I applied to 38 places in this town, and I only got luck with one, which I was fired from without decorum. My sister promised me a job at home, and my parents are now convinced that I'm not going to be able to find another one while I'm there--something that I had continually told them since last August. My family has demanded that I return home and that I not hang out with any of my friends that I have at home, telling me that they're evil and not people that they approve of. It would seem that my family believes that they are my emotional support, and my only needful source of support, and that anyone else is secondary. Anyone else can be cast off as easily as my family moves. My brother has repeatedly had conversations with me about how he's so detached from his friends and how family is everything, and all I can wonder is "Have you ever had a meaningful friendship? Ever?"

My research is cluttered and my grades are going to be shot to sh@t because mentally, I cannot focus. I can't write what I want to write because I'm supposed to be focusing on schoolwork. I can't pursue relationships with women here. I'm living in a community and college where LDS life is law. Yes, I did choose that two years ago, and I'm not happy with it now. I had many choices, and this is the one that I took. I'm going to see it through. Besides, any relationship that I would pursue, man or woman would be to forget the one that I'm never going to have.

I was an idiot. Everything that came out of my mouth was so ill-thought out, so badly handled and worded. There was no logic and no understanding. I was a fool to think that anything could have been. I acted like an idiot. I was so out of character and out of place. I was so infatuated that I wasn't even myself, and I couldn't adjust for it. I was so out of whack that my autism shone through majestically. I could wish my life away for another chance, but it's not coming. He's not interested and he's not coming back. The Pennomi that I knew is never coming back home.
He'll just be another clone among masses that refuse to see from the different perspectives, because God knows that such an idea would take away your brownie points into heaven, because heaven isn't achieved by grace and works, it's always one or the other with EVERYONE that I talk to. There is no happy medium, and no one feels that they are saved. No one can feel happy with themselves or with what they're doing. There's the same lessons over and over and over and over again, and are people emotionally growing? Are they understanding who they are and what they want? For the most part, they define themselves by their religion, and there is no life outside of it. I'm looking over these arguments, and I hate this tower of mollifying, foggy logic used to defend hypocrisy. I can't stay in this world of elitist hypocrisy, but I still treasure my friends that are in the church.
Guh.

:ersonal Update::
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18 credits of school, a 20 hr job, IRB approval for my research...I'm busy.



::Art Update::
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Eladria/Speaker
(Illustration) The Half Sister- 50% colored, inked
(Illustration) Character Concepts (Thalis Markson, Sterling Innes, Endren Gale)- conceptualized
(Writing) Part 2 to Speaker is 60% to completion.

Tales of the Chronicles
Nothing new to report.

Storm of Stars
(Illustration) I still would request some help in conceptualizing the Black Glory. It's a piloted, fighting spacecraft. If this sounds at all interesting, let me know.
(Writing) I was able to pull the info for SOS off of my old laptop, and of course, I hate all of it. So, I'll edit all of that to death.


Crafthand: All artisan craft projects

(Kits) Del's b-day present (50% complete) The box and two charms are done. I would like to add at least one more thing to it, but her birthday is in less than a week.
(Kits) I'm not going to be able to finish Glyf's or Kira's b-day presents on time, so I'll give the kits on Christmas/when I finish/etc.
(Cheagle) Ion, the Fon Master: (No further completion)
:bulletbrown: (Apostles Project) Jesus, Mary, and the 12 Apostles all need distinct designs. I'm going to put a cloth label within the plushies/puppets themselves so that I know which is which.

Ink and Prismacolor
Elemental Series: I started it back in my junior year of high school, and this is pretty much where I got with it:

-(wind) Ventulo: posted
-(water) Procella: posted
-(life) Ardesco: inked, colors picked out (I don't like the concept)
-(earth) Terrigena: half-sketched, lost
-(dark) Tenebrae: 50% concept
-(light) Altisonus: Concept forgotten, half sketched
-(fire) Incendarius: Inked, concept too sensitive to post on DA (new concept needed)
-(void) ???

Eladria
The Half Sister- 50% colored, inked

Tales of the Chronicles
Nigel and Sterling- conceptualized
Father Adan Ersand- conceptualized
Monasteries of Ahira- conceptualized

Storm of Stars
Need help in conceptualizing the Black Glory. :<

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Writing:

Eladria has been combined with Speaker in order to make a more original storyline.

Storm of Stars is on the backburner until I can get the backlight on my laptop fixed. :<

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Crafthand:

'Crafthand' is what I'm calling all of the artisan craft projects I'm up to.

Survival Kits
-Del's b-day present (20% complete, 50% planned)
-Glyf's b-day present (75% planned)
-Another friend's b-day present (10% planned)

All three of these projects consist of 5 parts each. I'm being really ambitious with this set of gifts. I've never done metalwork beyond brass and never done much woodworking. These projects will require basic ability, nothing terribly advanced. I have had some experience in leatherworking, so the weapon in Del's b-day present will be one of the easiest of the 15 pieces. I'll post them all on DA.

Cheagles
Sterling, the demon-eyed healer: posted
Ion, the Fon Master: 35% complete
Vandesdelca Musto Fende, the one that would seize glory: Not yet planned
Mystearica Musto Fende: Not yet planned

Amorath, the White Dragon
95% planned, some pieces cut out

Apostles Project
This is a project I have to do for my REL A 211 Honors class (New Testament, Part One.) I'm going to make dolls of all of the apostles, Jesus, and Mary (who accompanied the 13.) If things work out, I'll make other NT characters as well. The project goal is to make some sort of teaching method for small children and family members. I'm somewhat excited for it, considering that I already have most of what I'll need to make them. It does mean I'll have to put aside making Van and Tear for now, though. :/
10% planned (need to work on it!)